Quinn da Matta

It’s all about having balls…

We hear it all the time: “LIFE IS FOR THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD”.

But, like most things we inherently know are true, we don’t fully believe it, or even practice it. We like to think we do. And, we like to tell people we do. But, only when we are completely honest with ourselves, do we realize we are cowards when it comes to the things that truly do matter.

If we try to convince ourselves that we are brave, then it is easier for us to blame the world (and God) for not giving us enough opportunities.

We are surrounded by opportunities; chances to improve – and vastly change – our own lives and the lives of others. We just need to open our eyes, be completely honest with ourselves, and grow the proverbial set of balls to take the chance.

Skydiving. Check.

Bungee jumping. Check.

Getting a piercing (which is profoundly terrifying to me). Check.

Manning-up and apologizing for my faults and mistakes. Check. (Most of the time).

Packing-up and taking the life-changing risk of coming to the States. Check.

Leaving home for the first time and learning to fend for myself. Check.

Taking the chance and approaching someone I liked. Fail!

Of all the things on my list, it is the least terrifying one (in essence) that stumps me every time. It is the one with the least amount of consequences and repercussions. BUT, it is the one – that if rejected – cuts the deepest because we don’t realize that it was merely our advance that was turned-down. Rather, we feel it as if we were rejected as a person. And that hurts.

But, it is not just all about that risk – weighing what we have to lose against the rewards. We need to re-learn to open our mind, arms, and heart to new things and people (like we did when we were children). Remember how easy it was for us to make new relationships when we were kids —- either we lost that skill, or we have just proven that children are the bravest of us all.

We are entering the second decade of the twenty-first century; the time has come to take control of our own lives. No more waiting around for our big break, or for our great love, or even for our world to get better. Step-up. Man-up. And just do it.

Some opportunities only come once, seize them. Go out and take the chance.

25 Things About Me

1. I only learned how to tie my shoe laces when I was 27 years old. Seriously. My two best friends, Offie and Jane, had to teach me.
2. My favourite song is “Don’t Dream It’s Over” by Crowded House (my favourite band).
3. After I saw ET: The Extra-Terrestrial as a kid, I used to stare out at the night sky and wait for him to come be my friend. I made a place for him to sleep under my bed so he would be hidden and comfortable. I even had a plan on how I would keep him safe from the grownups. Unfortunately, he never came. But, I never stopped hoping.
4. I’ve known what I wanted to do with my life since I was 7 years old; which is when I made my very first movie. Ever since that moment, I have dedicated my life to making my dream of becoming a filmmaker a reality. And I will keep fighting on.
5. I still believe in love, the power of love, and love at first sight even though I have been severely hurt by those experiences.
6. I went through an early mid-life and existential crisis when I was 23 —- it made me question EVERYTHING about myself, my situation, the world, my purpose, and the whole meaning of life. It’s the reason why I work so hard to be a better person and better friend every single day of my life. I am still very naïve when it comes to the ‘ways of the world’, but I truly do believe that TOGETHER we can achieve greatness. It breaks my heart that – in the 21st century – we are still killing and hating one another. Have we not progressed at all in ten thousand years!?
7. I am allergic to bee stings and penicillin.
8. I love Country music.
9. I believe in extra-terrestrial life. The universe is way to vast, too old, and too complex for no other life to exist. And we are too naïve and arrogant to believe that we are the only life forms in existence.
10. I hate my curly hair.
11. I have never broken a bone, but I have broken my nose four times. The risks and dangers of being a farmboy, I guess. Or just being a clumsy dumbass.
12. My top five films are: Titanic, Sunshine, The Talented Mr Riply, The Godfather Part II, and Lawrence of Arabia.
13. I am an incredibly fussy eater and I have very weird eating habits. But, that’s okay. At least I have manners.
14. I used to hate being so overly sensitive and emotional but, now that I am nearing 30, I am okay with it. If my biggest flaw is crying to easily and caring too much, then I will embrace it with open arms. I know that, at times, I try too hard with people, but that is just who I am. I have always believed that people need to stick together and be there for one another. And that is one thing that I will never change about myself.
15. I really enjoy extreme things – skydiving, bungee jumping, etc. I really want to get my advanced driving license and go cage diving with Great White Sharks. BUT, I am petrified of needles. It is a genuine phobia of mine.
16. In 28 years, I have only ever had one person I liked like me back. Guess I am cursed when it comes to romantic love. Also, I have never seen myself in a long-term relationship or even getting married but, lately, that has all changed.
17. 27 was the best year of my life – it was the year that all my hard work started paying off, the year I took the most risks (and it resulted in me getting to LA), the year I stopped waiting around to be “discovered” and decided to take control of my life and my situation, and the year I bought my very OWN car. I felt luck such a big boy.
18. I am a gaming fanatic!!! I love video games so much. It really does make me feel like a kid when I play games. My perfect day would consist of brunch with friends, then a good movie, a walk down the beach, and an evening of playing games. Clearly, it doesn’t take much to make me happy (it really doesn’t).
19. I honestly do find joy in the smallest of things – it is the part of me that is still very childlike. And I never want that to change.
20. When I was a teenager, I really used to wish that I was black because most of my friends were black. I guess I will just have to settle for the hair.
21. I am very liberal and open-minded but, in some regards, I am still very old-fashioned; I believe in courtship (it is better to date someone and get to know them before you get to know their body), I believe that a gentleman should always open a door for a lady and stand up when someone leaves or joins the table… just basic rules of courtesy and decency. (By the way, I was never raised like that – it’s just something that has always been a part of me).
22. I find it very difficult to swear. It just doesn’t suit me.
23. I am most thankful for my parents and for how my mother raised me. I truly do believe that she raised a good kid who knows how to be strong when I need to be and who is not afraid to show my vulnerability. Through example, she taught me about equality, fairness, and how to fight for your dreams. I learnt about strength and courage and to never compromise one’s goals. There was not a single day that passed that my mother did not show me that hard work truly can get you anywhere. One day, I really hope to be in a place where I can give my parents the great life that they deserve. I owe them so much.
24. Yes. I am a mommy’s boy and so very proud of it.
25. Most difficult thing I’ve ever been through? Coming to LA at 28 and having to start completely over. It has been a tough ride and I literally went from having no money and no job and seriously questioning and doubting if I should be taking this risk, but I knew the minute I landed that this is where I am supposed to be. Everything I’ve been through, every person I have ever met, has all prepared me for this experience. And, now, after 28 years, I am ready. But, I know that I would never have made it here and lasted this long if it wasn’t for all my Guardian Angels and my amazing friends and family who have stood by me, supported me, and picked me up every single time I fell. I love each and every one of you and I vow to make this all up to you one day very soon.

The cost of pursuing a dream

Dreaming is what happens when we lay our heads down for a good night’s rest. But, achieving a dream – that deep driving force that lives within us all that compels us to achieve certain goals – is something that only happens when we open our eyes and remove ourselves from every comfort that we’ve known for most of our lives. Because, only then, do we become fully conscious and aware of our innermost strength and character.

To achieve a dream takes a lot of suffering, heartache and even more soul-searching and – only when we are ready and conscious enough – will our efforts start seeing fruition.

Through pursuing my dreams and taking on the challenges and risks that it has brought along with it, I am starting to feel a little like the man who I am supposed to be one day. 

I am far from that goal and still a work in progress but, lately, I have started having more and more profound realizations, learnt some very important lessons, and there is a part of me who is starting to feel comfortable again with the rest of who I am. And who I will become.

Coming to LA and getting to live in Hollywood was a huge dream come true; something that I didn’t even think would ever happen, no matter how often I used to think or dream or even wish for it. 

But, now, I realize – and it has been the most deeply profound realization I’ve made in a very long time – that dreams will always come true if you trust your instincts, follow your heart, persevere through the most trying times, and always be good to others. Once you commit yourself to a dream or a goal, the universe will conspire with you to make it happen; just be sure to be ready and willing to enjoy the ride.

Sometimes we just want way too much and never work hard enough to see anything through. And, we feel that we are the only ones who never get anything done. The path to success and fulfillment is a long and lonely road, but it is road that we don’t have to walk alone. We meet people in our journey through life for a reason. They are there to teach, to follow, to lead, to aid, to challenge, and to help us carry our burdens. No one reaches the top alone. We just need to be open enough to give them each a chance —- they too have dreams and goals.

The Inhumanity of being Strong

A couple of nights ago I was with a friend and, during our conversation, I came to realise that us human beings were never designed or even meant to be ‘strong’. 

I consider myself to be an amateur philosopher – I never studied it, but I have read a lot about the subject and I have always tried to approach every situation with logic, reason and with a lot of emotion (the emotion bit is the part I can’t help because I am a big baby) and, lately, I have just been more open to learning and growing from each and every experience. 

We are all clearly emotional beings – we were given heart and soul to enable us to feel and to experience the wonder of life and the magic that surrounds us every single day. We were never designed to be ‘strong’; that is something that the human race has chosen to evolve towards because feeling is considered weak and dangerous. 

Being ‘strong’ implies that we close ourselves off to feeling and try and prevent strong emotions from ever growing and developing; that way we decrease the risk of us ever getting hurt or being perceived as weak. 

As long as we don’t hurt, we are fine. As long as we don’t risk our current feelings, we can focus on living. But, what is living if not taking following our hearts? 

Again, if you look at how we function and work, it becomes increasingly obvious that it goes against EVERY purpose of our being. What are we if we can’t feel? If we don’t allow ourselves to love or be loved? If we don’t try to connect with another being? 

Sure, there is a great danger of getting hurt. And, chances are, that we will all get hurt many more times in our life. But, why is it okay to go out there and be risky in the professional environment with hopes of furthering one’s career but, the minute feelings and emotions come into play, we choose to play it safe and ‘strong’? 

Another downside of being ‘strong’ is that it prevents us from banding together – we feel that we don’t need anyone else because we can get through this life alone. If we were meant to go through everything alone, then why are there so many billions of people in the world? Why do we continue to meet more people every day of our lives? We were never created to be alone. Then, why after all this centuries, has it become the norm? 

The human race is the only species that prefers to tackle challenges alone and tries to overcome problems in solitude. Every other being groups together and finds strength, compassion, understanding and wisdom in numbers – together, as a community or a pack or even a group of friends, is where we find true strength. 

Being an emotional entity is not weakness. It is bold. It is crazy. It is risky. It is everything that being strong is supposed to be. Only the ones who take the chance to open their hearts to the world and the people around them will ever experience the sheer exhilaration of true friendship, real love, and the indescribable power and magic of the human connection.

The World is changing…

The world is changing… and so should we. The world is taking strain… and so are we. The world needs help… and so do we.

I have spent my life always looking for truth and the meaning behind everything but, this morning, I came to the most profound realisation; I have been overlooking the truth for so long because there was a part of me that was not ready to face it. The minute you see the truth, you are forced to either accept it or change it. There is no middle-ground. No time for excuses. And no time for pity. You have to own it for what it is and learn from it.

So, all these parties (okay, well, not so many), all the lazy TV days, and the deep need to be around people have all just been mere distractions to keep me occupied from the truth. I would go out, watch a movie, or hang out with some people, and feel good about things but, the minute it was over, that nagging hollow feeling would return.

But, now, that I have seen ‘the light’ and seen the truth; I need to fix things and learn this important lesson that I have been struggling with for 28 years. It has taken leaving home for my very first time and being away from every form of comfourt and safety that I have accumulated over so many years for me to begin growing and learning.

It is becoming increasingly clear that the world is changing all around us; mostly from the damage we humans have inflicted onto our home planet. People have become more distant; we can blame technology or our hectic schedules. And our species is feeling more hopeless than ever before because we think we don’t have the power to make a difference.

But, we do! We have had the power all along. We just need to find the strength and the courage to be vulnerable enough to make a change.

I woke up this morning feeling stronger and with a greater sense of hope and purpose because I am trying to be more conscious of my every word and every action.

We don’t need to save the world. That is too daunting and too big of a challenge for any one human being to face alone. All we need to do is be open to the truth. Be conscious of every moment. And to stop being afraid to reach out – not just for one’s own sake but, also, for the sake of helping a fellow being. 

Chances are quite high that your attempts will fail and that you will most-likely end up having your heart broken, but NOTHING can compare to that great feeling of knowing you were there for someone. We do this enough times, and people will start taking notice and they, in turn, will pass on the change. That is how you start a revolution: BY BEING BOLD ENOUGH TO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE!

Heartbreak should not turn you to stone or make you weary of love, life, people and everything else. Heartbreak should, rather, be used as a tool and a lesson to learn from so that we can do better the next time. There will ALWAYS be a next time!… even if it does not always feel that way when you’re hurting. Time is a great healer and heartache is an even better teacher.

This generation cannot afford to sit back anymore! We are next to inherit this planet and if we want it to be this perfect and happy place that most of us dream about, then we need to start taking action.

I don’t want to leave this world without knowing that I made a difference. I want to make an impact and I want to be remembered as someone who cared enough to just try.

Hopefully, this message touches one of you enough to want to wake up and make more of an effort with the people around us and the world as a whole. Stop waiting around for someone to come save you – get out there and save someone else…


(And a special mention to Chris, Jane, Offie, Zane, Dillon and Ola: no lame comments about how gay this note is!!! See how well I know you guys!)

THE WORLD NEEDS YOU TO DO WHAT YOU LOVE

The greatest change happens because of people that are deeply passionate, and have a great love for the work they do. 

If you want to make a difference in the world, the single most important thing you can do is consciously and deliberately choose to do work that you are passionate about. 

No other choice can have a greater impact on the planet, or your life. 

If you’re doing work that’s boring, you probably won’t make much of an impact. You might provide people with some amount of value. Enough to pay your rent, enough to get by. But you won’t be inciting change. And you certainly won’t be inspiring others. 

If you’re doing boring work, chances are you do just enough to not get fired. 

But if you do work that excites you, keeps you up at night, and fulfills you… you’ll do more. You’ll give yourself to it completely. You’ll put in extra time, more energy, more passion. Because it’s worth it. It’s satisfying. 

At the end of the day you’ll think: “My time was well spent today.” 

So the real question isn’t whether or not to do boring or passionate work. The question is how to get started. 

Five things you can do to move toward getting paid to do what you love: 

Find your passion. This is all about your great love, and what makes you come alive. To get started here, ask: “What am I insanely interested in?” “What could I talk about for hours?” and “What would I do for free?” 

Find your strengths. What we’re looking for are things you’re naturally good at, and the unique strengths you’ve had since birth. This is about contributing your gifts to the world. To get started, interview your friends, family, or peers and ask them what three things you’re naturally talented at. 

Find your value. Finding the intersection between what you’re good at and what people are willing to pay you for is what it all boils down to. If you can’t find a way to get paid to do what you love, the other stuff doesn’t really matter. So it’s worth spending some time figuring this out. To get started, think about the benefits you’ll give others by contributing your value. Think about whether or not there is a desperate pain or a deep passion involved in what you’re offering. 

Make the commitment. I think, more than any other reason, people fail to succeed is because they fail to commit. Thinking “I don’t know” or “maybe someday” will not get you to the point of doing what you’re passionate about for a living. It takes an uncompromising commitment to make this change for yourself. Instead of thinking “I don’t know,” think “I’ll figure it out.” Remember, paths are made by walking. 

Be willing to let go. As much as you might want to make this change for yourself, it can be hard to let go of the old patterns of thinking and behaving. A lot of us have ideas that “work shouldn’t be fun” or “you should just suck it up.” Breaking down those beliefs can be difficult, but moving toward a new direction is most definitely worth it. 

What will you give up? You might not think that you have time to take on a new endeavor, and you’re right. You won’t have time until you make the time. There are a lot of things we place in our schedules that we think we must do. But in reality, our world wouldn’t collapse if we chose something else. Make a list of all the activities and time sinks that you’ll give up in order to make time for your new journey. 

Will you say Yes to yourself? You may want to become a writer, dentist, life coach, painter, or public speaker. If you know that this is what you’re meant to do, then give yourself permission to call yourself that… even if you’re not established yet. And even if you don’t make a full time income from it. Own your passion, completely and unreservedly. 

While there is more to your journey than just these seven things, this is a huge start. Clarity and commitment are the biggest steps, the rest is easy. One foot in front of the other. 

You will get there. No one can stop you if you want it enough. 

And remember, the world needs you to do what you love. Nothing else can create more change, or have a greater impact. 

Give yourself permission. We need your gifts. 

What 2009 Taught Me…

Time is quickly ticking away and 2010 is ALMOST here so, instead of New Year’s Resolutions this year, I wanted to reflect, appreciate, and learn from the past year. Here are some of the things I learned and appreciate the most…

2009 was a great year for me. I realised three childhood dreams and was privileged enough to meet some of the most generous and sincere people. My very first Thanksgiving was an unforgettable experience and one I will always treasure. An exciting (an insanely funny!) adventure in New York. And, now, getting to live and work in Hollywood. This year has been filled with a tremendous amount of joy and gratitude but, most importantly, it was a year filled with many important lessons. 

A whole new adventure is just beginning for me and I am ready for every high and low because this year has prepared me for everything that should be lying ahead…

The first – and most profound – lesson I learnt this year was that if you really want something bad enough, and if you dedicate every waking moment to making it happen, that the universe will help make it a realisation. I learnt that nothing I could ever dream would match what could ultimately be achieved with immense passion and relentless dedication. At the end of the day, if you want to be more than you are and have more than you’ve got, then you need to give more than you usually do – that is what it basically comes down to.

The most heartbreaking lesson I learnt this year is that you don’t ever really know anyone. We all like to assume that we truly do know a friend but, it is only when the unexpected happens, that the truth is finally revealed. But, it was that experience that, ultimately, taught me that pain and heartbreak is only temporary. Your heart will heal and you will learn… eventually. It never seems like it at the moment you are hurting but, as heartbroken and angered days turn into weeks, we all being to accept, learn, and heal. We control our own lives and steer our own destiny. We teach others how to treat us. So, we need to become more conscious and aware of each action and every word.

But, NEVER FORGET, that you cannot succeed without the help and support of others! Friends make life more fun and memorable. They make the tough times easier and the fun times more enjoyable.

Travel really does open your eyes to a whole new world of beauty and possibilities. The cultural differences, the unique beauty of each place and their own history… everything teaches you more about the world and, ultimately, about yourself. It puts a lot of things into perspective and is a great source of inspiration and strength.

Pursuing a dream is a daunting and exciting prospect but NEVER force or rush anything. (This is a lesson I learnt the hard way and realised for myself how true it actually is). Things will happen and unfold when the time is right and when you are open and ready enough to accept and handle it. But, never stop working and trying to make it a reality; just stop blaming and beating yourself up about it when things don’t work out on your timeline – enjoy the adventure because that is the time you will remember and treasure most when your dreams eventually does come true.

Stay humble - you are never too good, too old, or too talented to answer phone or take out the trash. We all start somewhere and, sometimes, that even means starting at the bottom again.

Be thankful! And never be too shy to express your deepest gratitude. If someone has helped you – no matter how – the least one can do is appreciate it and let them know how much it means to you. Also, always be ready and willing to help others. If we want to live in a world where decency and kindness reigns, then that change begins with us. Treat others how you would like to be treated. Sounds cheesy. But so true.

Also, respect and appreciate our world. This generation is next to inherit this planet, so let’s try to make sure that the inheritance is still great and special enough to pass onto the generations that will follow us.

I have always been fortunate to have the world’s greatest friends in my life and there is not a single moment that passes where I am not thankful for having them in my life. They have – in their own way – been there for me and helped guide me to where I am today and, along the way, we have shared many laughs, made some incredible memories, and shared this wonderful experience called life. I love each one of my friends dearly; and I mean that from the core of my being. So, I just have to take the time to thank some of the people who have had the greatest impact on my life so far: my loving parents for always going out of their way to help make my dreams a reality, to Brett Ashy for taking a chance on a farmboy with big dreams and doing everything in his power to guide and help me, my brother and sister, to my great friends and true gems Brad (you always went out of your way to ensure that I had everything I needed), Jane, Offie, Theodore, Darryn, Roxanne, Brett (who got engaged without telling me), Kim, Dhiren, Larry, Anthony, Ewan, Cheri, Susan, Hayley, Greg, Belinda, Kyle, Suyin, Chris, Ash, Will, Jo Anne, SJ, and to the friends I am starting to get to know – Jorinna, Christopher, Sarah, Vasil, Terry, Bryan, and the many more I will still meet during this incredible journey… I love each and every one of you.

And, on a final note – in case you did not hear about a certain ornithological matter: “Bird, bird, bird, bird is the word. Bird, bird, bird, bird, bird is the word. Bird, bird, bird, bird is the word. The bird is the word.”

Here’s to 2010 – the year we make contact and realise true happiness and fulfill our deepest dreams…